What an interesting day so far!
So after I left the apartment LATE headed to morning worship filled with sour thoughts about not liking the food, accommodations, being away from friends and family, missing births of children and everything else important to me, I walked in on a worship that shared the role of Joshua and the scouts into Jericho. I was so overwhelmed with a bevy of emotions both positive (about what God wants to do through me and the need for good morale among God's people) and negative (missing home and people and sadness) that I began to cry uncontrollably. The more people that asked if I was okay, was the more I wept uncontrollably. My peers surrounded me and prayed with me and sang to me. I love them...I really do...and I love the way they rally around each other. It's amazing that 2 weeks ago, I knew not a ONE of them. I suspect this won't be the last time that I cry or even have these sorts of feelings but I am not going to side-step the vulnerabilities and the emotions that come with them.
In other news, I've been placed at the Sang-Do Institute in Seoul, South Korea. God is funny and loves Trinidadian people to place the guy from San-F'do in Sang-Do. I thank Him for loving me in spite of me...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Good Times!
Temporary lay-offs, GOOD TIMES!
Easy credit-rip offs, GOOD TIMES!
Scratchin' & survivin', GOOD TIMES!
Hangin' in a chow line, GOOD TIMES!
Ain't we lucky we got 'em? GOOD TIMES!
Easy credit-rip offs, GOOD TIMES!
Scratchin' & survivin', GOOD TIMES!
Hangin' in a chow line, GOOD TIMES!
Ain't we lucky we got 'em? GOOD TIMES!
Dear Jesus...
Hi Jesus...I'm back.
Earlier on, I asked You why, of all the people on this planet, You would choose me. I am the oldest of the bunch. I am undisciplined, stubborn, fickle, weak, grossly under-studied in your word, near faithless and ubiquitously unwise. My choices in life, behaviors, thoughts, proclivities and words all speak to my position as one who is entirely unworthy of the task that You have set before me.
Yet You have chosen me.
Despite my flaws, my fears, my insecurities, my dumb mistakes, my worries and behaviors that should rightfully classify me as downright asinine...despite all my shortcomings, You say to me in 1 Corinthinans 1:27 that You will use me, the weak, to shame the strong. You will use me, the foolish, to shame the wise. In effort to redeem Your children, You would take me as I am and use me if I let You and promise to do wonderful things in my life if I trust You enough to surrender everything to You...my wants...my needs..my vices...my failures...everything.
God, I've got to admit...this sounds a little too good to be true and there are two things I feel; an overwhelming sense of unworthiness coupled with fear, because I am afraid of failing You and of letting everything go trusting that You will take better care of all of me and my issues than everyone else who has tried and I also (kind of ironically) feel overwhelmingly honored, humbled, happy and loved that of all the better speakers, singers, thinkers, Biblical students, qualified mission-oriented personnel, healthier, younger, stronger and all-around superior individuals You could have picked, You chose me.
So here I am...scared beyond belief, confused and also realizing that part of my fear ACTUALLY is rooted in what I am capable of and who I will become if I allow You to change me. Gosh, change is soooo uncomfortable...especially now that I am just now beginning to get comfortable with myself. Oh well...I'm already here in a foreign land and having trusted You this far, I might as well see this through, right? I mean, the comforts of home are already behind me and to travel this far, see the magnitude of things I have only just now seen in a week and a half of being here and then turning around and saying "No thanks", would definitely make me the biggest moron in the universe. Besides, Your messages to me and my roommates (who I can't thank You enough for blessing me with) are unquestionably received. You ARE present. You ARE specific in answering prayer. You DO want us to know You walk with us and beside us in the good times and the not-so-fun times. I'll do my best God.
It's not much, but that's all it seems You require. So here it comes. Please be patient with me...please?
Earlier on, I asked You why, of all the people on this planet, You would choose me. I am the oldest of the bunch. I am undisciplined, stubborn, fickle, weak, grossly under-studied in your word, near faithless and ubiquitously unwise. My choices in life, behaviors, thoughts, proclivities and words all speak to my position as one who is entirely unworthy of the task that You have set before me.
Yet You have chosen me.
Despite my flaws, my fears, my insecurities, my dumb mistakes, my worries and behaviors that should rightfully classify me as downright asinine...despite all my shortcomings, You say to me in 1 Corinthinans 1:27 that You will use me, the weak, to shame the strong. You will use me, the foolish, to shame the wise. In effort to redeem Your children, You would take me as I am and use me if I let You and promise to do wonderful things in my life if I trust You enough to surrender everything to You...my wants...my needs..my vices...my failures...everything.
God, I've got to admit...this sounds a little too good to be true and there are two things I feel; an overwhelming sense of unworthiness coupled with fear, because I am afraid of failing You and of letting everything go trusting that You will take better care of all of me and my issues than everyone else who has tried and I also (kind of ironically) feel overwhelmingly honored, humbled, happy and loved that of all the better speakers, singers, thinkers, Biblical students, qualified mission-oriented personnel, healthier, younger, stronger and all-around superior individuals You could have picked, You chose me.
So here I am...scared beyond belief, confused and also realizing that part of my fear ACTUALLY is rooted in what I am capable of and who I will become if I allow You to change me. Gosh, change is soooo uncomfortable...especially now that I am just now beginning to get comfortable with myself. Oh well...I'm already here in a foreign land and having trusted You this far, I might as well see this through, right? I mean, the comforts of home are already behind me and to travel this far, see the magnitude of things I have only just now seen in a week and a half of being here and then turning around and saying "No thanks", would definitely make me the biggest moron in the universe. Besides, Your messages to me and my roommates (who I can't thank You enough for blessing me with) are unquestionably received. You ARE present. You ARE specific in answering prayer. You DO want us to know You walk with us and beside us in the good times and the not-so-fun times. I'll do my best God.
It's not much, but that's all it seems You require. So here it comes. Please be patient with me...please?
Monday, October 24, 2011
Reflections on the john...
Early morning thought. It becomes clearer and clearer to me why many adults will not receive salvation. It is very difficult to change the older you get. It is increasingly difficult to accept instruction from others, especially when you are set in your own ways (and like those old ways), when instruction comes from someone you deem inferior to you (because of age, education or experience) or you have become marvelously comfortable with the routine and expectations of your life just the way it is. A person truly has to WANT and be able to EMBRACE change and that is not easy the older you get unless a person is committed to humility and absolute SELFLESSNESS. That isn't for everyone and I am absolutely terrified of being one of those people. God knows I see those traits in myself already...what a stubborn ass I can be, and all this came from using the toilet (and refusing to toss the toilet paper).
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Food for Thought...
Devotion held on Sabbath afternoon revealed two incredibly interesting revelations.
1. James 1:14, 15 states that each person is tempted when they are drawn away by their own desires and enticed. Then when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when full grown, brings forth death.
It's a typical Christian premise here. We've all heard "yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin" and that the "wages of sin is death". We've known the algebra equation to be:-
Temptation (yielding) = sin = death.
Here's what blew my mind. What comes BEFORE this equation? Something has to give rise to temptation, correct? We (or at least I) cannot be tempted to kill grandmothers and bathe in their blood. I know this sounds extreme but see where I am coming from. We (or at least I) cannot be tempted to steal uranium (bare-handedly). Why? Because there is no desire to do so. There is no benefit seen in those enterprises. The things we are tempted by are things we DESIRE. Hmmm...makes sense right? Can't be tempted for something you don't want and if you look at the Devil, his first temptation spoke directly to Jesus's hunger i.e. a desire for food.
What precedes the desire then? Well...for that perplexing answer, let's look at the wonderful Garden of Eden and it's three protagonist inhabitants. God tells the darling couple to avoid the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, but have at everything else in the garden without bounds or restriction. Well, good ol' Eve goes sight-seeing and comes across a talking, golden, flying snake (I don't know about you but that sounds like a DRAGON to me...art imitates life) who says that she will not die, BUT become as wise as the God who created her and happens to be withholding advancement from her.
Why did Eve eat the fruit? Simple. Because she believed the LIE. She believed that she would not die. She believed that she would be improved. She believed that God possibly was holding something from her. Thus, the beginning of the cycle is realized. It is the belief of a lie told and thus the entire equation looks like this:-
LIE (told and believed) ---> DESIRE (birthed in the heart) ---> TEMPTATION (occurring based on the desires we possess) --->SIN (occurs when we yield to temptation, continuing to feed that desire) --> DEATH (the end result of sin i.e. separation from God, from fellow man and from one's self).
Pretty deep, huh?
2. We, the group had a discussion about what song to sing for Sabbath. It was the first time our cohesion was absolutely broken. Everyone had a different suggestion or idea and we were not corporately gracious and accommodating and in that moment, I saw what was wrong with this (and every church). Everyone has a different outlook and different favorite thing (song, verse...whatever) that is a representation of who they are and where they are [from or in life]. Everyone wants their voice heard, their desires met. We all similarly believe that our way of thought and/or action is the best. We've been living it with little reverb and see no reason to acquiesce to someone else. There's a measure of selflessness, humility and co-operation that needs to develop in us all. It takes time and as we grow in Christ, we'll get better at this. I think it was good for this little exercise to show us a starting point to move forward from because if anyone thought they were perfect and didn't need change, that mindset had to have been broken last night. Hopefully we learn from this and affect change in our own churches and communities when we leave the mission field INSTEAD of contributing to the problem. *side-eye*
1. James 1:14, 15 states that each person is tempted when they are drawn away by their own desires and enticed. Then when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when full grown, brings forth death.
It's a typical Christian premise here. We've all heard "yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin" and that the "wages of sin is death". We've known the algebra equation to be:-
Temptation (yielding) = sin = death.
Here's what blew my mind. What comes BEFORE this equation? Something has to give rise to temptation, correct? We (or at least I) cannot be tempted to kill grandmothers and bathe in their blood. I know this sounds extreme but see where I am coming from. We (or at least I) cannot be tempted to steal uranium (bare-handedly). Why? Because there is no desire to do so. There is no benefit seen in those enterprises. The things we are tempted by are things we DESIRE. Hmmm...makes sense right? Can't be tempted for something you don't want and if you look at the Devil, his first temptation spoke directly to Jesus's hunger i.e. a desire for food.
What precedes the desire then? Well...for that perplexing answer, let's look at the wonderful Garden of Eden and it's three protagonist inhabitants. God tells the darling couple to avoid the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, but have at everything else in the garden without bounds or restriction. Well, good ol' Eve goes sight-seeing and comes across a talking, golden, flying snake (I don't know about you but that sounds like a DRAGON to me...art imitates life) who says that she will not die, BUT become as wise as the God who created her and happens to be withholding advancement from her.
Why did Eve eat the fruit? Simple. Because she believed the LIE. She believed that she would not die. She believed that she would be improved. She believed that God possibly was holding something from her. Thus, the beginning of the cycle is realized. It is the belief of a lie told and thus the entire equation looks like this:-
LIE (told and believed) ---> DESIRE (birthed in the heart) ---> TEMPTATION (occurring based on the desires we possess) --->SIN (occurs when we yield to temptation, continuing to feed that desire) --> DEATH (the end result of sin i.e. separation from God, from fellow man and from one's self).
Pretty deep, huh?
2. We, the group had a discussion about what song to sing for Sabbath. It was the first time our cohesion was absolutely broken. Everyone had a different suggestion or idea and we were not corporately gracious and accommodating and in that moment, I saw what was wrong with this (and every church). Everyone has a different outlook and different favorite thing (song, verse...whatever) that is a representation of who they are and where they are [from or in life]. Everyone wants their voice heard, their desires met. We all similarly believe that our way of thought and/or action is the best. We've been living it with little reverb and see no reason to acquiesce to someone else. There's a measure of selflessness, humility and co-operation that needs to develop in us all. It takes time and as we grow in Christ, we'll get better at this. I think it was good for this little exercise to show us a starting point to move forward from because if anyone thought they were perfect and didn't need change, that mindset had to have been broken last night. Hopefully we learn from this and affect change in our own churches and communities when we leave the mission field INSTEAD of contributing to the problem. *side-eye*
Friday, October 21, 2011
Help me Christ! I die...
1. Yeah...been eating like this ALL week.
2. The other two Musketeers, Mark and Daniel.
3. At the Lotte Mall overlooking the city.
4. Yup, we fly.
5. Clearly standing in the middle of a fountain that looks like Neji's 64 Palm technique.
6. Snoopy was getting it in with Natalie.
7. I swear this is the Korean Manhattan!
8. You see that bag in my hand? Yeah...it's THAT store!
9. Help us Lord!
10. HELP ME CHRIST!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Tell Me Your Story.
Today we had testimonies. I've got to say that this was the most INTENSE day we've had so far. You just...you just...can't judge a book by its cover. Nothing prepared us for today.
Nothing.
We got up this morning and had our usually conversations about God, life and interpersonal relationships and stepping out, we have started this tradition of praying together. Today, Daniel prays for us as we remark that we're excited about the day will bring as God has been supplying out every need AND addressing every concern, fear and issue we bring up. Ever. Single. One.
So he prays a prayer of thankfulness for the ability to walk, talk and to laugh, things we often take for granted. Then we scurry on to breakfast and in orientation, Pastor Kim Jong Ee (or Pastor Golden Paper as he prefers to be called) tells us of his testimony over Lupus (which resonates with me because unbeknownst to most, I had a very tangible scare of that very same illness in my early teens) and identifies the 7 wonders of the world:-
1. To see
2. To hear
3. To smell
4. To touch
5. To taste
6. To laugh
7. To love
o_O really Jesus? Really?
ANYway, he gets done and we're brought forth to testimony time and boy when I tell you...I've been sitting with these people in training for four days now, cutting up and making friends having no idea about the depth of their stories! As much trouble as I gave God about coming here, I'm in a group with people who attempted suicide, overcame eating disorders, left their cancer-ailing parents at home and are children of date-rape [and made to feel it]. I resonated with near-everyone's story. We most all had one thing in common...that we were supposed to be here in August and something happened making us all come in October. By the time this exercise was done, we were convinced that it was by no coincidence that we were all in this class together. This is what God wanted for us.
By the time I went did my testimony, I was overwhelmed and not sure that what I had to say was even relevant. I did my best though, not to impress anyone but to be as dreadfully honest about my spiritual life [or rather my lack thereof and hunger for better] and I apparently had an impact. Hand-shakes, hugs and tears sprung about but I think because of this, we have all become a little closer and can now function as supports for each other concerning our time here and our personal issues. The tangibility of God's presence here is soooooo real! Our staff personnel are so honest and sincere about their love for Jesus it's hard not to be infected by the desire to be and do better. I've needed to be surrounded by this for a loooooooooooooooong time. And I told them. I told them all that they are the best group of Seventh Day Adventist company I've met and liked in a 4 day period and I was glad to be there with them. They all expressed the same thing. We did Korean101with the students of the All-Day Club, which essentially are the students who want to get more English time in BUT also want to do Bible Study. They were friendly, humble and fun to have in class. I was ducking this older gentleman who was looking for me to be his partner but I was not successful (and rightfully so). I thoroughly enjoyed myself talking to him and working on pronunciation with me and he helped me learn my name in Korean which would be [원준] which translates as Won Jun. Don't judge the book by its cover. Caribbeans, Africans, Americans, Koreans...we're all called in some way, shape or form and as more time goes by, I find myself being saddened by the fact that these folks and I will all be split to separate institutions in almost a week's time. We're going on our first official outing tomorrow.
Guess I'd better make the best of the time I have with them now, right? OR maybe we could corporately pray for a supermiracle that all of us (or at least the coolest ones) all somehow end up assigned to the same school!
Nothing.
We got up this morning and had our usually conversations about God, life and interpersonal relationships and stepping out, we have started this tradition of praying together. Today, Daniel prays for us as we remark that we're excited about the day will bring as God has been supplying out every need AND addressing every concern, fear and issue we bring up. Ever. Single. One.
So he prays a prayer of thankfulness for the ability to walk, talk and to laugh, things we often take for granted. Then we scurry on to breakfast and in orientation, Pastor Kim Jong Ee (or Pastor Golden Paper as he prefers to be called) tells us of his testimony over Lupus (which resonates with me because unbeknownst to most, I had a very tangible scare of that very same illness in my early teens) and identifies the 7 wonders of the world:-
1. To see
2. To hear
3. To smell
4. To touch
5. To taste
6. To laugh
7. To love
o_O really Jesus? Really?
ANYway, he gets done and we're brought forth to testimony time and boy when I tell you...I've been sitting with these people in training for four days now, cutting up and making friends having no idea about the depth of their stories! As much trouble as I gave God about coming here, I'm in a group with people who attempted suicide, overcame eating disorders, left their cancer-ailing parents at home and are children of date-rape [and made to feel it]. I resonated with near-everyone's story. We most all had one thing in common...that we were supposed to be here in August and something happened making us all come in October. By the time this exercise was done, we were convinced that it was by no coincidence that we were all in this class together. This is what God wanted for us.
By the time I went did my testimony, I was overwhelmed and not sure that what I had to say was even relevant. I did my best though, not to impress anyone but to be as dreadfully honest about my spiritual life [or rather my lack thereof and hunger for better] and I apparently had an impact. Hand-shakes, hugs and tears sprung about but I think because of this, we have all become a little closer and can now function as supports for each other concerning our time here and our personal issues. The tangibility of God's presence here is soooooo real! Our staff personnel are so honest and sincere about their love for Jesus it's hard not to be infected by the desire to be and do better. I've needed to be surrounded by this for a loooooooooooooooong time. And I told them. I told them all that they are the best group of Seventh Day Adventist company I've met and liked in a 4 day period and I was glad to be there with them. They all expressed the same thing. We did Korean101with the students of the All-Day Club, which essentially are the students who want to get more English time in BUT also want to do Bible Study. They were friendly, humble and fun to have in class. I was ducking this older gentleman who was looking for me to be his partner but I was not successful (and rightfully so). I thoroughly enjoyed myself talking to him and working on pronunciation with me and he helped me learn my name in Korean which would be [원준] which translates as Won Jun. Don't judge the book by its cover. Caribbeans, Africans, Americans, Koreans...we're all called in some way, shape or form and as more time goes by, I find myself being saddened by the fact that these folks and I will all be split to separate institutions in almost a week's time. We're going on our first official outing tomorrow.
Guess I'd better make the best of the time I have with them now, right? OR maybe we could corporately pray for a supermiracle that all of us (or at least the coolest ones) all somehow end up assigned to the same school!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Midnight Munchies
It's midnight and I am hungry. My stomach just forcibly woke me up. I don't know any eatery open at this hour save the 24 hour McDonalds that is a hike and some mountains away. Literally. That isn't what's foremost on my mind though...It is actually a very simple question.
Of all the people You could have wanted to come here God, why on Earth would You choose me?
Of all the people You could have wanted to come here God, why on Earth would You choose me?
Rebuked How I Love To Proclaim It...
Jet lag is kicking my behind and I am totally dying here. We just discovered that the house has no vents because the heating is actually IN the floor. Neat! Now if it were only comfortable enough to sleep on....
Jesus is some kinda' person. EVERY. SINGLE. CONVERSATION. that I have with my roommates (who I call Porthos and Aramis) is either reinforced in worship OR addressed by some seemingly divine intervention. Just now, we were walking home talking about needing to get power converters for our devices. An administrative person we met on day one happened to walk by at that same moment and took us down one of these lovely seedy alleys into a store we'd NEVER have found and now we're all powered up. God is really taking care of the small things to help us trust Him with the big. It's an AWESOME feeling.
I had a micro breakdown today. Wanna know why?
I was rebuked.
Yep. Like all day. First, in devotion...it was shared that only time can tell if we are of Christ. We're to honestly look for ways to help our fellow man and observe them as one who would be held accountable for the souls of men. What if your actions and words directly influenced someone's decision for Hellfire? What if you had to explain to God every single time you had a hand in that? The thought terrified me. I have done a great many things to lead others to folly. Why am I here? Some come for money. Some come for a change of pace. Some come to find an exotic woman to marry. But those who are really here to witness for Christ will be revealed in their lifestyle, the joy in their hearts and their ability to win souls to him over the passage of time. I desperately and aggressively do not want to be found wanting. I want to be here for the right reason.
The second rebuke came in the form of my roommate Daniel sharing his fear about the ability to do mission because of the perception that he has insufficient faith. As I spoke to him about the very decision to come here and the fact that missionary work is a refining process for the missionary himself, that one does not come ready-made and that prayerfully, God can help him achieve all that he needs to be successful, it was as if I was talking to myself and God was enjoying a hearty laugh. This whole faith-building thing with Him is NO JOKE. He will see you through it but it's the jumping off the cliff at His command that's the doozy.
The last two class members came today. They're cool and sang along with me as I burst out a rendition of the Antoine Dodson classic Bedroom Intruder song. We opened bank accounts today and learned a little about Korean culture (including how disrespectful it is to point at someone with your index finger, wear shoes indoors or make eye contact). More orientation is on the way, the food (though vegetarian) is really good and we've got air freshners now! Yay!
Now all I need to figure out is how to stop waking up at 3:00am...
Jesus is some kinda' person. EVERY. SINGLE. CONVERSATION. that I have with my roommates (who I call Porthos and Aramis) is either reinforced in worship OR addressed by some seemingly divine intervention. Just now, we were walking home talking about needing to get power converters for our devices. An administrative person we met on day one happened to walk by at that same moment and took us down one of these lovely seedy alleys into a store we'd NEVER have found and now we're all powered up. God is really taking care of the small things to help us trust Him with the big. It's an AWESOME feeling.
I had a micro breakdown today. Wanna know why?
I was rebuked.
Yep. Like all day. First, in devotion...it was shared that only time can tell if we are of Christ. We're to honestly look for ways to help our fellow man and observe them as one who would be held accountable for the souls of men. What if your actions and words directly influenced someone's decision for Hellfire? What if you had to explain to God every single time you had a hand in that? The thought terrified me. I have done a great many things to lead others to folly. Why am I here? Some come for money. Some come for a change of pace. Some come to find an exotic woman to marry. But those who are really here to witness for Christ will be revealed in their lifestyle, the joy in their hearts and their ability to win souls to him over the passage of time. I desperately and aggressively do not want to be found wanting. I want to be here for the right reason.
The second rebuke came in the form of my roommate Daniel sharing his fear about the ability to do mission because of the perception that he has insufficient faith. As I spoke to him about the very decision to come here and the fact that missionary work is a refining process for the missionary himself, that one does not come ready-made and that prayerfully, God can help him achieve all that he needs to be successful, it was as if I was talking to myself and God was enjoying a hearty laugh. This whole faith-building thing with Him is NO JOKE. He will see you through it but it's the jumping off the cliff at His command that's the doozy.
The last two class members came today. They're cool and sang along with me as I burst out a rendition of the Antoine Dodson classic Bedroom Intruder song. We opened bank accounts today and learned a little about Korean culture (including how disrespectful it is to point at someone with your index finger, wear shoes indoors or make eye contact). More orientation is on the way, the food (though vegetarian) is really good and we've got air freshners now! Yay!
Now all I need to figure out is how to stop waking up at 3:00am...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Slumming in Seoul
So here we are...three years later from originally giving thought to this venture, out in Seoul, Korea. A 21 hour trip...the umbilical cord finally cut from my nuclear (and extended) family...doing just what I said I would do; survive solely in God's care.
SCARY. TERRIFYING. OVERWHELMING.
Now that I've "confessed", I reflect on my thoughts. As with any new thing there is hesitation and doubt. Excitement really hit upon flying over the country. I think I was moreso concerned with all the moving. Moving my office out, then moving my apartment out...and finally moving my life into boxes and then overseas. Exhausting? Yes. This might be why all the sadness and negative emotions about leaving haven't hit yet. Or maybe it's because I did this before in 1996 and I'm all better equipped with grown-up coping skills. Who can say? Honestly? I'm thankful to be here. I needed this change. Not only because of my life-span-burning 9-to-5 as a makeshift social worker/ part time parent, but because I believe that as a Christian professing to actively want to go to Heaven, nothing is happening to deepen that relationship with Him. I'm almost 32. It's time to change some things (and hopefully my final destination isn't one of them).
The airport is spotless. The flight, though long and bumpy was cool (enough entertainment in there to satisfy me. That should say something!) and I was randomly picking off my cohorts to Samyook out of the passenger crowd. Looks can be deceiving and people seems to be way cool. Being greeted by the pastor freaked me out. He hugged me like he loved me, missed me and was grateful for my coming. Christians don't do that a lot these days...He's an interesting guy. His morning devotion today was about growth. He said that your faith over time and your relationship with God shouldn't stay the same, that anything that doesn't grow is dead. For a man that doesn't speak English well, he sure was profound. Got an early lesson in humility and service...the reason for being here. We're camped out in the "guest house" which is down a dark alley, with small twin beds, one and a half showers, toilets that you can't flush toilet paper down (help us Lord) and sitting on top a septic tank that smells like wild boar country. How are we coping? We laugh. A lot. What's there to be mad about? I'm in a foreign country I'd likely never have visited on my own, surrounded by lush landscape, mountains and high rises everywhere. As of now, I have want for nothing and have two roommates who I'm bonding with unreasonably fast. It's like I've known them for years.
So what if the place smells a little? I'm not here to stay at the Crowne Plaza. I'm here to be what Jesus was...a servant. I recognize that I have hard work ahead of me, principally with tempering myself. But with God's help and me trying my best...there's no stopping what I can do. I can say that. I've been to every continent (now) but Australia and Africa. That's a feat for a big head little Trini boy. I'm going to stay on this ride for as long as I can. No doubt it'll be bumpy but I'm not worried. It's nothing God can't handle and I'm still amazed at what He can and IS doing...
SCARY. TERRIFYING. OVERWHELMING.
Now that I've "confessed", I reflect on my thoughts. As with any new thing there is hesitation and doubt. Excitement really hit upon flying over the country. I think I was moreso concerned with all the moving. Moving my office out, then moving my apartment out...and finally moving my life into boxes and then overseas. Exhausting? Yes. This might be why all the sadness and negative emotions about leaving haven't hit yet. Or maybe it's because I did this before in 1996 and I'm all better equipped with grown-up coping skills. Who can say? Honestly? I'm thankful to be here. I needed this change. Not only because of my life-span-burning 9-to-5 as a makeshift social worker/ part time parent, but because I believe that as a Christian professing to actively want to go to Heaven, nothing is happening to deepen that relationship with Him. I'm almost 32. It's time to change some things (and hopefully my final destination isn't one of them).
The airport is spotless. The flight, though long and bumpy was cool (enough entertainment in there to satisfy me. That should say something!) and I was randomly picking off my cohorts to Samyook out of the passenger crowd. Looks can be deceiving and people seems to be way cool. Being greeted by the pastor freaked me out. He hugged me like he loved me, missed me and was grateful for my coming. Christians don't do that a lot these days...He's an interesting guy. His morning devotion today was about growth. He said that your faith over time and your relationship with God shouldn't stay the same, that anything that doesn't grow is dead. For a man that doesn't speak English well, he sure was profound. Got an early lesson in humility and service...the reason for being here. We're camped out in the "guest house" which is down a dark alley, with small twin beds, one and a half showers, toilets that you can't flush toilet paper down (help us Lord) and sitting on top a septic tank that smells like wild boar country. How are we coping? We laugh. A lot. What's there to be mad about? I'm in a foreign country I'd likely never have visited on my own, surrounded by lush landscape, mountains and high rises everywhere. As of now, I have want for nothing and have two roommates who I'm bonding with unreasonably fast. It's like I've known them for years.
So what if the place smells a little? I'm not here to stay at the Crowne Plaza. I'm here to be what Jesus was...a servant. I recognize that I have hard work ahead of me, principally with tempering myself. But with God's help and me trying my best...there's no stopping what I can do. I can say that. I've been to every continent (now) but Australia and Africa. That's a feat for a big head little Trini boy. I'm going to stay on this ride for as long as I can. No doubt it'll be bumpy but I'm not worried. It's nothing God can't handle and I'm still amazed at what He can and IS doing...
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