Random Musings (this boy is NOT sane)

So...I am going to be absolutely RANDOM in this post. Please forgive me from beforehand.

1. This weekend, while in Busan, I had a lesson about forgiveness. Here's the scoop. I unexpectedly ran into someone that I would not have minded never seeing again and hadn't seen in about 7/8 months.

*Backstory*: I made friends with this person last year as we worked together. We're both Caribbean and we clicked well both being of that background, living in America and now living in Korea. Towards the middle of my time there, we went out together and he didn't have money on one occasion that we were shopping. Being the person I am, I gave him some money to get the things he needed (since I came along for the ride and didn't really need anything myself). After that we hurried back to where I was to meet another co-worker and in the bustle of trying to get there on-time, I lost my wallet. Mind you, my intention was to go straight and wait for my co-worker but my home-boy talked me into going to the grocery with him so I did. Long story short, I was without my wallet and access to my bank account for like 2 days but I go it back. 

A couple of months later, I asked my friend to do me a favor. When leaving our school, $300 is held from the last paycheck to cover any expenses you might have incurred (damages, unpaid bills and whatnot). To avoid this, you have a guarantor (someone who agrees to bear the financial burden if you have any) sign on your behalf and you get your money. I knew I was coming back to Korea because..well..I wanted to come back. I would come to get a job about a month before departure. I asked my friend to be my guarantor seeing as how we were cool and I'd lent him money (albeit $20) and had no surprise bills coming up, that we're both Caribbean and Seventh Day Adventists. 

He refused. He had perfectly legitimate reasons, but...he refused. And it hurt me.

I felt like I wouldn't have been in the predicament to lose my wallet if I hadn't gone off with him some months earlier AND he would have been up the creek with no paddle had I not been there to help him out. I felt like I proved myself trustworthy and that people should be trusted until they prove themselves the opposite. I mean, we were all missionaries for Christ's sake. He chose not to bear that *possible* financial burden and subsequently (since I had no one I could ask), the money was taken from my check.

Emotionally, I wrote him off. (I didn't unfriend him on FaceBook to make it seem obvious). I felt like as legitimate as his reasons might have been, he didn't trust me when I showed myself to be caring and sacrificing for others and I didn't want friends like that.He'd keep in contact via things on FaceBook but I'd just like things or statuses and never really reply.

*Backstory Ends*

So who should I run into this weekend in Busan? Yep...handshakes, smiles and hugs and I burned inside a little bit because I didn't want to be there. Why? Because I realize that I hadn't forgiven him. He apologized for his inability to help back then but held to his desire not to help me. I guess I wasn't really over that. Anyway, we talked. We laughed. We shared stuff and he was like "You need to come down and visit me again before I head back home". I never told him I was mad or acted like I was uncool with him. I just swallowed it down and said in my heart that I will endeavor to forgive him, because all this time, this might have lingered on his mind, but I think it was more emotionally hurtful to me by carrying it around. Now, I have to work on being a bigger man, in that...if he needs financial help (or help of any sort again), I need to be big enough to say "sure", even though such courtesy wasn't reciprocated. 

Forgiveness can be easy. I am not saying that it is...I am saying it can be. I think it depends on our willingness to make it so (or not).

2. Korean Foot Fungus continues. This thing is relentless BUT...I made a leap forward. My doctor (who seems quite comfortable with me having Athlete's Foot since just 'bout everyone in Korea has it) suggested thinner socks and shoes that breathe. My school wants us to wear indoor shoes in the school and save the regular shoes for outside (it promotes cleanliness). Since there are bigger Koreans (and a higher foreigner concentration) in Busan, I tried my luck at a shoe store and scored some neat Addidas slippers on sale.

Sure they were like $30 but my feet are comfortable AND breathe well and can't nobody say they mistook mine for theirs. It looks like NO one else's! :-)

3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpKjSezYQgQ (when I feel strong, I feel progressively more sinister)....Let me explain.

I guess to motivate me through the boredom of the day, in my mind I imagine myself as a Hunter like Samus Aran of the Metroid series (my all-time favorite video games). The creators of the games have epic soundtracks for boss battles and when I feel strong, energetic and healthy...my life soundtrack is usually one of those themes. I will post them in order of energy level here...

a. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhnrH30411A (low levels...sinister thoughts and intense stares)

b. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLLjibR_c4Q (rising levels....must energize self and move harder...faster...must...win...)

c. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZoLdJ2zahI (intermediate levels, intense focus...behold the wyrm and despair!)

d. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpQ_OQAtgDQ (intermediate but higher, they see me coming and quake with fear and my dreadful gaze)

e. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpKjSezYQgQ (high, the crux of energy, I shall swallow all things)

e. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foaNVrvhpnM (highest...I am a dark god bursting with energy)

So usually at some point in time, I am somewhere along the levels of one of those...or also swimming through songs of peace. But more likely (while at work...it's one of these)

4. In Korea, the term for "casanova", "rolling stone" or "man-whore" is windy boy. Apparently, such a man blows from place to place never settling. I was called such today by my students for taking a picture with a Korean car model. It's interesting...my sign is an Air sign because of when I was born! LOLOL

5. Living in Korea is teaching me a lot about the pitfalls of passive-aggressiveness. It is one of the most unhealthy, inhibiting and destructive practices and I really feel inside like I want to go to great length to eradicate it. "Why" you ask? Because the Confucian structure of Korean society dictates that it is inappropriate to express one's self especially to those in authority positions. I am a HUGE supporter of respect but I also believe one should be able to respectful share his opinion with others without reproach or fear of the same. I didn't grow up with that freedom in Trinidad so now that I am older, I value it a lot. I am sure that valuing it is going to put me in some hot water but that's okay. In spite of consequences, I choose to let my voice be heard. God gave me one after all...

6. I am going to stop complaining about the cost of healthy living, because expensive healthy living is better than expensive medical bills or.....being dead.

7. When I open a box sent to me from my mother, the thing inside that I cherish the most is the smell of the things inside. They smell like my mother's house and remind me of home...and of her. I cannot articulate to you how much I love my mother. Words don't begin to describe it. Next to life and salvation, she is the best gift God gave to me.

8.Today, I wore a shirt-jack or guayabara for the first time. I actually felt like I walked into manhood today. You see...Career teachers, managers, Pastors and Ministers (of the government) in Trinidad wear these so in my mind they are closely associated with authority. So, I guess today...at 33 and a half years of age...I stepped into my official manhood. I am a teacher like my mother before me. I live on my own and pay my own bills. When possible, I take care of others. I wear the traditional clothes of the men of the village. I can't say why, but I feel like some kind of coming-of-age fete is missing. Regardless...something this small represents a great milestone for me because I couldn't see myself at this age or doing what I do. I have made many mistakes in my life, but here and now...I am content.

9. Pursuant to item # 3, guess whose locker this is next to Joshua's....

...oh yeah...

10. Now that you are older (admit it. You work with some people that don't know anything about He-Man, the ThunderCats or Knight Rider), go back and watch some of the films you watched as a child. You will find all kinds of tidbits of new info and meaning. I recently did that with Sister Act and had a whale of a good time. SO much stuff you miss as a kid that makes an adult laugh...kind of like Madagascar and Ice Age. The reason your parents were laughing was NOT the same reason you were...

11. (BONUS). FAT MAN DREAMS: When watching Snow White and the Huntsman, there is a scene were Charlize Theron takes a milk bath. It's very...I dunno...like a cross-up between seductive and ultra-creepy. Anyway...the fat@$$ inside me imagines she is bathing in sweetened condensed milk and wants to sip the bath with a straw. It has NOTHING to do with her, but everything to do with two slices of whole wheat bread and endless diabetes-inducing delight. I guess I've always been fat. It's just now that the outside is starting to match the inside...perhaps I need to do some thought modification. Soon. Before the Skittle-rain dreams come...

Well...that's all for now. I'll throw up the Busan trip sometime soon. In the meantime, I have to prepare to sing for church this Sabbath, be a cheer-leader on Sunday and pray that this new Man of Steel movie makes me wet my pants in delight because Iron Man 3 and Star Trek 12 were at best...cool. 

And as an avid Sci Fi head, you know I don't play that...

Later.